Songs In The Night

² Beloved, we are God’s children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared – 1 John 3:2a

Someone’s Missing

Today we are celebrating Brooke’s ninth birthday.  It is a bittersweet day.  To say the least.  We are gathering as a family to celebrate our youngest child’s birthday, without her presence.  The absence of her physical presence has precipitated a litany of questions.

If our preemie baby had lived to come home from the hospital, what would she be like as a little nine-year-old girl?  Who would she look like?  What personality traits would she have?  How would she interact with her siblings, nephews, and nieces?  What limitations might she have had as a result of being hooked up to a respirator for her entire brief life?

I think for anyone who has lost a child these types of questions are inevitable.  With each passing birthday and holiday, we can’t help but wonder how our lives would differ with Brooke in the equation.  But wonder is all we can do.  As we journey down this road called life we continue to pass milestones without our “baby” to share the experiences.

Lofty Mysteries

As we think about our departed daughter, we find that our questions are not limited to just the here and now.  We also have questions that transcend the temporal.  As intriguing as is it to ponder what Brooke might look and be like if she were still with us, we also question her current “status” in heaven.

As I was talking to my co-worker (Tammy) yesterday about celebrating Brooke’s birthday, she mentioned the three children that are awaiting her in heaven.  Children that she would dearly have loved to hold and nurture as a mother but was denied the privilege because of miscarriages.

Tammy has total confidence that her children await her in heaven, but in what state?  How “old” will they appear?  What type of bodies will they have?  How will she recognize her children she never held?

These are questions we will have to wait to have answered until we join our loved ones in heaven.  All we know is that our earthly bodies are merely seeds that are sown in dishonor but will be raised in glory (1 Cor. 15:43).  Our natural bodies will give way to a spiritual one.

Now and Later

Brooke may not be with us, but I would rather celebrate her birthday without her than to ignore it.  She is still a special part of our family.  Although we all grieve her absence, we also anticipate the day we will be reunited with her in heaven.

I believe it is a healthy thing not to live in denial.  We have all lost loved ones that we will never see again on this side of eternity.  While I recognize that others don’t want to continually hear about our losses or our struggles, pretending they don’t exist or never happened doesn’t help anyone.

Paul not only writes that our earthly bodies are “sown in dishonor”, but he also tells us that they are “sown in weakness” (1 Cor. 15:43b).  These jars of clay (2 Cor. 4:7) that we live in for a short period of time are so fragile.  But Paul encourages us that our weak bodies will be raised in power.  However, before our weak bodies are raised in power, we need all the encouragement we can get.

There can be a lot of difficult days before our earthly seeds are “raised in glory”, which makes me so thankful for the mercy God shines on us before He takes us home.

Safe and Sound

After sharing supper as a family tonight, we shared some memories of Brooke’s passing.  It isn’t often we discuss these memories but we do cherish them almost as if they were sacred.  It is always sobering thinking about our loved ones crossing over the river of death into eternity.

After our discussion, I sat down in the rocking chair.  As I was contemplating Brooke’s brief life, my four-year-old grand-daughter climbed onto my lap and rocked with me.  It was definitely one of those moments of mercy God shines on us to encourage us in our weakness.

As I rocked my grand-daughter I was reminded of the song my daughters were so anxiously looking forward to playing for their little sister when she came home from the hospital.  But never would.  For a long time after Brooke’s passing, I could not listen to the song.  The pain was too deep.  But what a comfort it is to know that the love and safety we wanted to provide for her in our humble home could never compare to heaven.

Sorry, Tammy.  I don’t know what our babies will look like in heaven, but I do know they are safe and sound.  And I also know that until our earthly seeds are raised in glory and we can join them, God will be faithful in shining His mercies on us.

Until we are in glory, enjoy every opportunity you get of rocking that child.  It is a blessing we earthly seeds should never take for granted.

The Song