Author: scott

Lord of the Kings

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The Father Rejected

The mere thought of it is painful.  Experiencing it is humiliating.  Who wants to be discarded like last week’s leftovers. Rejection is always difficult to accept.  More so when we are rejected by family.  But our children?  Those we gave life to.  Those we nurtured. Those we protected when they were vulnerable.  We expect them to leave the nest, but rejection?  Painful enough if it happens to fallen men. Unthinkable when it happens to a perfect God.  But that is what Israel did.  Despite the fact that God chose them out of all the nations and placed His favor on them.  Leading them out of Egypt, feeding and guiding them.  He was their protection.  They were the apple of His eyes.  They were discontent.  They wanted “more”.  They wanted a king like the other nations.

When the elders of Israel presented their demand for a king to Samuel, he was very displeased.  Samuel warned the elders of the dangers.  He warned them of the consequences.  It is inevitable, a king will fail you.  You will lose your sons.  You will lose your daughters.  Not enough?  He will take the best of your fields and vineyards and olive orchards.  Wait.  There’s more.  He will take the tenth of your grains and vineyards.  He will take our male and female servants and the best of your young men and your donkeys and put them to his work.  Still not done.  He will take the tenth of your flocks and YOU shall be his slaves!!  Do you really want to sacrifice everything for a king?

For emphasis, Samuel gives one final warning, “And in that day you will cry out because of your king, whom you have chosen for yourselves, but the LORD will not answer you in that day” (1 Samuel 8:18).  The response; “No!  But there shall be a king over us, that we also may be like all the nations, and that our king may judge us and go out before us and fight our battles” (1 Samuel 8:19b-20).  Rejected.

Replacements?

You know the story.  It’s not a good one.  Saul was the first king.  Handsome.  Tall.  Hiding in the baggage.  Offered an unlawful sacrifice.  Made a rash vow.  Consulted a medium.  Rejected by God for disobedience.   He transgressed God’s command because he feared the people. Bad start.  How about David?  Brought down Goliath with his sling.  Mighty warrior.  Things were looking good.  Then came Bathsheba & Uriah.  Adultery and murder don’t look good on any leader’s resume.  Too many family issues ensued.  Next! Solomon.  Man of wisdom.  Great builder.  Peaceful reign.  Too many foreign women and their gods.  After Solomon the kingdom becomes divided.  The bondage and human sacrifices are appalling.  But God warned them.  God’s chosen people were not only discontent, they were deluded. God sent them prophets.  For the most part, the people scoffed at them.  From time to time, a “good” king would come along and try to reverse the damage, but a band-aid doesn’t do much good when open heart surgery is needed.  God kept reaching out.  More prophets were sent.  The people didn’t heed.  God’s children ended up in slavery, just as they had been warned.  Now God was silent.  For over four hundred years.

The Son Rejected

And then a baby’s cry broke the silence.  The cry of the True King.  The cry of a Savior.  The God they rejected was back in human flesh.  The “lowly” shepherds came and worshiped.  The wise men also came and worshiped Him. Certainly now that they were desperate the Israelite’s would embrace their Messiah!  Rejected.  Instead of the Elders pressing Samuel, it was the religious leaders pressing Pilate.  Away with this fraud.  Give us Barabbas!

Instead of a throne, Jesus hung on a cross.  God in human flesh.  Rejected.  The cross is no place for a king, unless that King is also a Savior.  When Israel asked for a king, Samuel warned they would sacrifice everything to their kings.  When Jesus came, He sacrificed everything for His people.  He laid down His life for them.  The crown of thorns on His brow is proof of His love and sacrifice.  No other king has ever worn such a crown.  Jesus is no ordinary king.

Ruler of All

Jesus isn’t finished.  He is coming back.  No king will be able to stand before Him.

When Jesus  opens the sixth seal, the kings of the earth will hide in caves and beg for death, “Calling to the mountains and rocks, ‘Fall on us and hide us from the face of Him who is seated on the throne, and from the wrath of the Lamb, for the great day of their wrath has come, and who can stand?”  Jesus.

When Israel rejected God, they told Samuel they wanted a king to “judge us and go out before us and fight our battles.”

“Then I saw heaven opened , and behold, a white horse!  The one sitting on it is called Faithful and True, and in righteousness He judges and makes war.  His eyes are like a flame of fire, and on His head are many diadems, and He has a name written that no one knows but Himself.  He is clothed in a robe dipped in blood and the name by which He is called is the Word of God.  And the armies of heaven, arrayed in fine linen, white and pure, were following him on white horses.  From His mouth comes a sharp sword with which to strike down the nations, and He will rule them with a rod of iron.  He will tread the winepress of the fury of the wrath of God the Almighty.  On His robe and on His thigh He has a name written, King of king and Lord of lords.” – Revelation 19:11-16

One crown to rule them all.  The crown of thorns.  Forged in the pits of hell.  Twisted and contorted with every sin.  With Adam’s sin the ground was cursed to bring forth thorns and thistles; Hell’s materials for the ruling crown.  The crown only Jesus was qualified to wear.  A sinless Savior bearing the sins of the world.  A Lord and King we desperately need.  At the end of time He will be the last King standing.  Don’t be discontent.  Don’t be deluded.  Don’t reject Him.

“For it is said in old lore, ‘The hands of the king are the hands of a healer.’  And so the rightful king could ever be known.”  J.R.R. Tolkien-Lord of the Rings

Twelve Angry Men

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“And when the ten heard it, they were indignant at the two brothers.” – Matt. 20:24

“And when the disciples saw it, they were indignant, saying, ‘Why this waste?'” – Matt. 26:8

“But when Jesus saw it, He was indignant and said to them, ‘Let the children come to Me; do not hinder them, for such belongs the kingdom of God.'” – Mark 10:14

Sitting at Jesus’ side

One day the mother of James and John came to Jesus and asked Him for a favor.  Specifically, she wanted her two sons to have the place of highest honor in Jesus’ kingdom.  The privilege of sitting at His right and left hand.  Although mom asked the question, Jesus directed His reply to the brothers.  Did they understand what was being asked of Him?  Was the question appropriate?  Jesus could assure them they could suffer for Him, but to give out positions of honor was for the Father, not for Jesus.  James and John had their priorities wrong! The other ten had their feathers ruffled.  They were indignant!  Pride and competition are a dangerous combination.  Jesus had more teaching to do.

The son’s of Zebedee were motivated by pride, not humility.  According to Jesus, Gentile rulers exercise authority over others.  To them, this reflects greatness.  Not so with Jesus.  According to Him, if you want to be great; serve.  If you want to be first, become a slave.  If you can’t comprehend My words, follow My example; “The Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.”  Before anybody will be sitting at my right and left hand, my hands will be nailed to a cross. Before they are nailed to the cross, they will wash your feet.  Don’t worry about what you can grasp, look for opportunities to give.

Kneeling at Jesus’ feet

On another occasion, Jesus was at the home of Simon the leper.  A woman came in and anointed Him with a very expensive ointment. When the disciples saw this they were indignant.  What a waste.  What about the poor?  What is she thinking?  What a bunch of hypocrites.  In self-righteousness, the disciples rebuked the woman.  In love Jesus commended her.  I have told you numerous times about My imminent death, yet you were worried about your status.  This woman worships Me, and you’re worried about waste? As long and as far as the gospel is proclaimed, her act of worship will be remembered!  Bet that set well with the disciples.  While they were grasping, she was giving.  If you are truly concerned about the poor, they will always be with you. Give.

Sitting on Jesus’ lap

One day some mothers brought their little children to Jesus.  They did not ask for the privilege of sitting at His right and left hand, they merely wanted Jesus to touch their children.  They wanted His blessing.  The disciples rebuked them.  This time Jesus was indignant.   What these people are asking of Me is beautiful.  It is done in humility.  Don’t hinder them. Learn from them.  Heaven will be filled with people of “childlike” faith.  Their reward?  The lap of Jesus.  They were blessed with the touch of His hands.  Each time He blessed a child He touched a mother’s heart and rebuked His disciples.  Every time He rebukes His disciples, he rebukes us.

How is your pride?  How is your self-righteousness?  Are you more interested in being great or becoming “less”  (i.e. “He must increase, I must decrease”)?  Do you want to be served or to serve?  Do you want to grab or give?  Are you more passionate about your interests or Jesus’ glory? What makes you indignant?  Maybe it’s time to grab that alabaster jar and empty its contents for Jesus.  You will find it is good for the soul, and may even put a smile on your face!

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” – Matt. 5:3

Beginning and Completing

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“And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” – Phil 1:6

A Rebel with a Cause

For years Paul wandered in darkness, thinking he was seeing clearly.  A man of great intelligence.  A man of great zeal.  A man the world would esteem.   “Circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; as to the law, a Pharisee; as to zeal, a persecutor of the church; as to righteousness under the law; blameless.”  Great credentials?  Rubbish.  A dead man doing a dead man’s work.  Working against God in the name of religion.  A man God would redeem.

While Stephen was being stoned to death, Paul approved.  Like guilt, the garments of the murderers were laid at Paul’s feet.  From his knees, the dying Stephen lifted his eyes to heaven and saw Jesus.  With his last breath, he prayed for the forgiveness of his murderers.  For Stephen, Glorification awaited.  With a prayer on his lips, Stephen would enter into the embrace of Jesus.  His earthly tent would be traded in for a white robe and a heavenly home.  However; his dying witness would remain.  Jesus was about to leave His heavenly home to redeem His chosen instrument Paul.  A dead man doing a dead man’s work.

A Saint with a Purpose

“Breathing threats and murder”, Paul was going the wrong way fighting the Way.  On his way to Damascus to persecute the church, Jesus changed Paul’s course.  The pride of Paul was no match for the radiance of Jesus.  Paul was on his face before the Lord.  Blinded.  Paul entered Damascus humbly, guided by others. His eyes were open but he could not see.  His breathing of threats and murder were replaced by prayers. Instead of killing the saints he was dependent upon them.  After Paul spent three days “in the grave,” Ananias laid his hands on Paul.  The scales fell from Paul’s eyes and he could see. For the first time.  Paul was alive.  Paul was filled with the Holy Spirit.  Paul was justified.  I’m sure when God gave the “dead man” Paul spiritual life, Stephen approved.

The Living God began His good work in Paul.  Paul once had authority from the chief priest to bind the Christians.  Now he was commissioned from God to liberate the lost.  Paul was now alive, “working” for the living God.  And God was working in him. Paul was sure that the God who justified him would also guarantee his sanctification and glorification.  How?  Look at the radiance that enveloped him. Everything Jesus begins, He completes.

Jesus is the cornerstone and capstone.  He is the alpha and omega.  He spoke creation into being, He will destroy it with a roar.  He began His earthly pilgrimage with an infant’s cry in a manger, He ended it with a cry of victory on the cross; “It is Finished”.  He is the author and perfecter of our faith.  “He was delivered up for our trespasses and raised for our justification” (Rom. 4:25).  “And because of Him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God righteousness and sanctification and redemption” (1 Cor. 1:30).  “And if children, then heirs-heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with Him in order that we may be glorified with Him” (Rom. 8:17).  No wonder Paul is so sure.

Mission Accomplished

After faithfully serving God for the remainder of his life, Paul wrote these words, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.  Henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that day, and not only to me but also to all that have loved His appearing” (2 Tim. 4:7-9).  No rubbish here.  Amazing what happens when a dead man comes face to face with Jesus, and God begins His good work.  It is even more beautiful when that work is completed. That you can be sure of!  Some day we will join Paul and Stephen and the twenty four elders, and lay our crowns at Jesus feet.  The God who completes will approve.

“And those whom He predestined He also called, and those whom He called He also justified, and those whom He justified He also glorified.” – Rom. 8:30

The Lion, The Witch, and the Worn Rod

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“The sluggard says, ‘There is a lion outside,  I will be killed in the streets.  The mouth of a forbidden woman is a deep pit; he with whom the LORD is angry will fall into it.  Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.” – Proverbs 22:13-15

The Lion

Laziness.  The sluggard doesn’t want to work so he makes an excuse not to go outside.  His real threat isn’t without, but within.  The lion in the street is nothing compared to the laziness of his heart.  Listen to his “testimony”.  “I passed by the field of a sluggard, by the vineyard of a man lacking sense, and behold, it was all overgrown with thorns; the ground was covered with nettles, and its stone wall was broken down.  Then I saw and considered it; I looked and received instruction.  A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest, and poverty will come upon you like a robber, and want like an armed man” (Proverbs 24:30-34).  The lion will not kill the sluggard, his laziness will. “As a door turns on its hinges, so does a sluggard on his bed.  The sluggard buries his hand in the dish; it wears him out to bring it back to his mouth” (Proverbs 26:14-15).  For the sluggard, the only things working are his imagination and his “hinge”.  Neither one will put food on his table.

The “Witch”

Indiscretion.  Beware of the forbidden “strange” woman who bewitches with her evil words.  Her words are seductive. Her words are enchanting.  Her words are dangerous.  While the lion roars, the witch whispers “smooth words”.  Words of invitation.  Words of entrapment.  Those that accede end up in her trap.  A deep pit.  Once you fall in how do you get out?  Listen to her “testimony”?  “Her house sinks down to death, and her paths to the departed; none who go to her come back, nor do they regain the paths of life.”   “A prostitute is a deep pit; an adulteress is a narrow well.  She lies in wait like a robber and increases the traitors among mankind.”   “A companion of prostitutes squanders his wealth.” (Proverbs 2:18-19, 23:27-28, 29:3).  Indiscretion comes with a heavy price tag.  The path of life is abandoned.  Wealth is squandered.  The lion in the street may be not real, however, the streets are lined with forbidden women.  Discretion is a necessary companion to protect us from the deep pits.

The Worn Rod

Discipline.  Parental responsibility.  What vivid reminders we have as parents and protectors,  “To give prudence to the simple, knowledge and discretion to the youth” (Proverbs 1:3-4).  Proverbs one also tells us that our instructions are necessary to combat the enticement of sinners.  Listen to Proverbs 2, “Wisdom will come into your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul: discretion will watch over you, delivering you from the way of evil…So you will be delivered from the forbidden woman, from the adulteress with her smooth word..so you will walk in the way of the good and keep to the paths of the righteous.”  But we must remove the folly from the heart.  The sluggard needs to be rebuked, the indiscreet enlightened, but our objective as parents is to purge any such inclinations when our children our young.  “Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die.  If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol” (Proverbs 23:13-14).  “The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother…Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart” (Proverbs 15,17).

As Christians, our lives should be characterized by intentionality.  Complacency isn’t an option.  Ours is the responsibility to discipline and instruct.  The nettles in the field and the squandered wealth may be indicators of our shortcomings as stewards over those God has entrusted to us.  If we want our children to “walk in the way of the good and keep to the paths of the righteous,” we may need the rod to drive away the lion and protect them from the “witch” and her smooth words.  Before we can protect them from the dangers without, we must “purge” them of the dangers within.  Sometimes the rod is necessary not only to guide their steps but to guard their souls.  Discipline isn’t pleasant.  Nor is it easy.  But it is necessary and it is wise.  Our Heavenly Father not only commands it, He models it.  What could be wiser than learning from Him?  The lion in the street and the forbidden woman are no matches for His wisdom.

“My son, do not despise the LORD’S discipline or be weary of His reproof, For the LORD reproves him whom He loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.” – Proverbs 3:11-12

“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when hs is old he will not depart from it.” – Proverbs 22:6

“Though the Witch knew the Deep Magic, there is a magic deeper still which she did not know.”  C.S. Lewis – The Lion The Witch and the Wardrobe

The Nobody I’m Thankful For

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“For what god is there in heaven or on earth who can do such works and mighty acts as yours?” – Deut. 3:24

“If it is a contest of strength, behold, He is mighty!  If it is a matter of justice, who can summon Him?” – Job 9:19

“But He is unchangeable, and who can turn Him back?  What He desires, that He does.” – Job 23:13

“Behold, these are but the outskirts of His ways, and how small a whisper do we hear of Him!  But the thunder of His power who can understand?” – Job 26:14

“When He is quiet, who can condemn?  When He hides His face, who can behold him, whether it be a nation or a man?” – Job 34:29

“Who can understand how He spreads out the clouds, how He thunders from His pavilion?” – Job 36:29

“But you, you are to be feared!  Who can stand before you when once Your anger is roused?” – Psalm 76:7

“For who in the skies can be compared to the LORD?  Who among the heavenly beings is like the LORD, a God greatly to be feared in the council of the holy ones, and awesome above all who are around Him?  O LORD of hosts, who is mighty as You are, O LORD, with Your faithfulness all around You?” – Psalm 89:6-8

“Who can utter the mighty deeds of the LORD, or declare all His praise?” – Psalm 106:2

“He hurls down His crystals of ice like crumbs, who can stand before His cold?” – Psalm 147:17

“For the LORD of hosts has purposed, and who will annul it?  His hand is stretched out, and who will turn it back?” – Isaiah 14:27

“Who has measured the Spirit of the LORD, or what man shows Him his counsel?  Whom did He consult, and who made Him understand?  Who taught Him the path of justice, and taught Him knowledge, and showed Him the way of understanding?” – Isaiah 40:13-14

“Also henceforth I am He; there is none who can deliver from My hand; I work, and who can turn it back?” – Isaiah 43:13

“For who is like Me?  Who will summon Me?  What shepherd can stand before Me?” – Jeremiah 49:19b

“Who has spoken and it came to pass, unless the Lord has commanded it?” – Lamentations 3:37

“all the inhabitants of the earth are accounted as nothing, and He does according to His will among the host of heaven and among the inhabitants of the earth; and none can stay His hand or say to Him, ‘What have You done?'” – Daniel 4:35

“If God is for us, who can be against us?” – Romans 8:31

“Who shall bring a charge against God’s elect?”  It is God who justifies.  Who is to condemn?” – Romans 8:33-34

“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?” – Romans 8:35

“For the great day of their wrath has come, and who can stand?” – Revelation 6:17

“Remember this and stand firm, recall it to mind, you transgressors, remember the former things of old; for I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me, declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times things not yet done, saying, ‘My counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish all My purpose.'” – Isaiah 46:8-10

Crime(s) and Punishment

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“But they all cried out together, ‘Away with this man, and release to us Barabbas.'” – Luke 23:18

Death Row

Death row.  Guilty. The cross is looming.  It is your just punishment.   While time is carrying you towards your cross, your memory is going back in time.  How simple things seemed as a child.  Your parents instructed you.  You were taught the difference between right and wrong.  You knew the consequences of each.  The daily sacrifices were a reminder.  How many lambs did you see sacrificed?  Too many.  For emphasis, you had to help carry the lamb.  The images are still vivid. Blood is never easy to forget, especially when you are the cause.  As a child, you would try to shut out the bleating by covering your ears, but you couldn’t cover the blood.  When the lamb was dead, the shed blood still spoke to you.  Guilty.

Where did you go wrong?  Parental instruction melted under the heat of peer pressure.  Wisdom wasn’t as exciting as foolishness.  The world swayed you.  Your sins were encouraged.  Your sins grew and multiplied. With each sin, your heart became a little harder.  From a young child stealing an “insignificant” item and telling a “little” lie, to an adult, taking part in a rebellion, stealing and committing murder. Murder. How do you wash the blood from your hands?  The blood you have shed speaks out like the blood of Abel.  Now your heart is hard as stone and your hands are stained red.  Your conscience gives you no rest. Guilty.

Alone

Alone.  No parents to comfort you.  The world has abandoned you.  The cell is as cold as your heart.  Death row reminds you that you are responsible for your actions.  Your actions have consequences.   Is this really how it ends?  The grains of sand are falling.  Your crimes demand punishment.  Execution is approaching.  You can already feel the nails and hear the hammers.  If only you could go back and undo your wrongs. But you can’t.  Time is a one-way street.  Yours is heading towards a dead end. Guilty.

The forbidden fruit is full of worms.  The lustful look has birthed heartache.  The harsh words have triggered rebellion.  The stolen money has been wasted.  The cheated friend is now an enemy.  The deceitful kiss has led to death.  You succumbed to the serpent’s whispers, now you must listen to your conscience.  It’s not so subtle.  Your actions don’t make you a sinner, they just expose you for what you are.  Sinful. Guilty.

As the the memories of your past begin to drown in the reality of the present, your hands begin to sweat and your hard heart begins to race. You hear approaching footsteps.  The hour has come.  No more sand in the glass.  Too late for what ifs.  You hear the rattle of keys.  You have one more flashback of your childhood.  The devil is speaking.  You are tempted.  The lamb is bleating.  The key is in the door now.  You cover your ears with your chained hands, but you can’t stop your memory.  More bleating.  The knife is unsheathed, it glistens in the sun.  As it is about to meet the throat the door swings open.  It is finished.  You lift your eyes.  There stands the Lamb.  Innocent.

Decision Time

So Barabbas, what are you going to do now?  The crowds called out for you.  Pilate released you.  But they can’t forgive you.  The blood of Jesus is on your hands.  Your sins put Him on the cross.  He paid the punishment for your “crimes”.  He put an off ramp on your one-way street.  The release was merely a speed bump.  The choice that is before you is forgiveness or punishment.  You can listen to the devil, or embrace the cross.  You can’t go back in time, but you can secure your eternity.  The Lamb is speaking. Don’t cover your ears.

“Because I couldn’t bear my burden and have come to throw it on another:  you suffer too, and I shall feel better!  And can you love such a mean wretch?”  Fyodor Dostoyevsky – Crime and Punishment

“He was pierced for our transgressions; He was crushed for our iniquities; upon Him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with His wounds we are healed.” – Isaiah 53:5

Fasting and Weeping…That the Child Might Live

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“While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept, for I said, ‘Who knows whether the LORD will be gracious to me that the child may live?'” – 2 Samuel 12:22

“So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” – 1 Corinthians 13:13

Hope

The last couple of blogs we looked at faith and love through the experiences of infertility and disability.  Today we will talk about hope through the experience of death.  Infertility can be a lonely experience.  Having a child with Down’s Syndrome a “shock”.  But words can’t describe the pain of losing a child.  It is the darkest and deepest valley.   At such a time sympathy is irrelevant.  Only Truth will help you through.

As I mentioned previously, after struggling with infertility God decided to bless us with three daughters and a son, albeit spaced rather far apart.  Around the time of our twenty-fifth anniversary, God decided to surprise us one more time.  Our daughters had started to pressure us to adopt thinking we were too old to have any more children.  Despite approaching the “Abraham and Sarah” age group, according to some, we were excited.  How soon the excitement would give way to concern.  Roughly twenty-two weeks into the pregnancy there were complications.  At about the twenty-four-week mark our fifth child was born very prematurely.  A fourth daughter we named Brooke.  Brooke tipped the scales at 1 pound and eight ounces.  What a journey this little blessing was going to take us on.

For years we prayed that God would bless us with children.  The fervency of those prayers couldn’t match the desperation of the prayers we cried asking God to spare our child.  Brooke’s little body was so underdeveloped internally that every day seemed to bring a new trial.  Her health was so delicate that we could not hold her.  To do so might endanger her life.  If holding our daughter meant conceding, we chose to simply to look and “touch” through the little plastic “box”.  Certainly not the way God “wires” us to nurture newborns but what else could we do?  Like David, we could keep praying that our child might live.

We not only prayed, we held on to hope.

For every step forward, there seemed to be two back.  Every encouraging sign seemed to be followed by a string of bad news, but like Abraham, “in hope, we believed against hope.”  After all, we were once told we would probably never have children, and Brooke was now our fifth.  We didn’t want to be naive, but we didn’t want to give up either.  If only Brooke could communicate with us.  If only God would give us clear direction.  Were we fighting for the sanctity of life or were we being selfish?  If dying is gain, what were we afraid of?  How hard should we “push” our little girl?

Holding on to let go.

The day of reckoning finally came.  It was a Friday, but not a good one.  Much of the NICU staff asked for a special meeting with my wife and I.  In no uncertain terms they told us they had never seen a baby survive with the statistics/vitals that Brooke had.  According to them, Brooke was artificially kept alive by the ventilator.  The time to concede had come.  If the end was near, we could at least look forward to finally holding our daughter.  How can we let go of that which we haven’t held?  As much as I was anticipating holding her, deciding when to actually “Pull the plug” was a different story.  Both would be emotionally charged.

The next day, arrangements were made for our immediate family to spend many hours in a private room with Brooke.  I melted when I held her for the first time.  But it didn’t compare with the privilege of seeing my wife hold Brooke.  I am not sure there is anything more unnatural than for a mother not being able to hold her newborn child.  After waiting for thirty-six days to witness it, I was greatly relieved.  We were light years removed from her cry, “I just want to be a mother so bad.”  Even though we knew the time was short, it was beautiful.  Brooke’s sisters couldn’t wait to lavish her with affection.  They too had pent up love to express.  It was a memorable day, to say the least.  Brooke’s nurse told us it was a miracle.  According to her, there was no way Brooke should have been as alert as she seemed to be.  Perhaps she was starving for the love she was finally receiving through meaningful contact.

Sunday.  Resurrection day.

Now it was time for the extended families to meet their cousin/niece for the first and last time.  As you might imagine it was very emotional.  Not the way things are supposed to work in a perfect world.  But these things happen in the world we live in. The mood was somber.  What can really be said?  When everyone finally left, God “spoke” through Brooke. As I was holding her in my arms she opened her little eyes.  As her eyes met mine she lifted her arm and literally pushed the tube out of her mouth.  In her condition, she wasn’t supposed to have the strength.  In our condition, we didn’t.  She was ready to go home.  I immediately got up and placed her in my wife’s arms.  That is where I wanted her to pass.  Where else did Brooke belong?  Brooke was not only in her mother’s arms for her last earthly breath, she was also in the arms of her Heavenly Father. He held her every day of her life, even when we couldn’t.  He gives us a peace words can’t describe.

“But now he is dead.  Why should I fast?  Can I bring him back again?  I shall go to him, but he will not return to me.” – 2 Samuel 12:23

Although Brooke never made it home alive, her grave-site is visible from our house.  Some day Caleb, my wife and I will be buried next to her.  Our bodies will be buried, but not our hope.  With Brooke’ death, David’s prayer gave way to David’s hope. We can’t bring Brooke back, but we shall go to her. There is no greater hope than that of the Christian resurrection.  Even in our darkest valley, Truth was at our side every step of the way.  Every time we felt we couldn’t take another step, He would extend His nail scarred hand.  The hand He offered was Hope.  We will hold it until our family is reunited in Heaven.  There faith will become sight.  Hope will spread it’s wings as enjoyment, and love will be made perfect.  No need to fast and weep, God is gracious.  Our daughter lives.  I can’t wait to look her in the eye again, embrace her, and lavish her with love.  What could be more natural in a perfect world?

For This Child I Prayed II

Posted on by scott

infertility support

“But Caleb quieted the people before Moses and said, ‘Let us go up at once and occupy it, for we are able to overcome it.‘”.  Numbers 13:30

While we sat across the desk from the fertility specialist being told we would probably never have children, God must have been smiling down on us.  On every other visit we made, my wife was tested for pregnancy, but not this last visit.  Why bother?  The specialist’s apology wasn’t just an expression of sympathy, it was an act of resignation.  A white flag.  From a human perspective, things looked hopeless.  But God operates on a different plain.  Omnipotence doesn’t know hopeless.  When things look darkest, God shines brightest.  When we walked out of the clinic that day we carried heavy hearts, and my wife something more.  A child. But only God knew, at least for a little while.

A few months later my wife was experiencing flu-like symptoms…..

When the symptoms wouldn’t subside, a doctor visit revealed that God had indeed smiled down on us.  The “flu” was of the nine-month variety.  Like Hannah and so many others, God answered our prayers.  Eight years into our marriage, God blessed us with a daughter, Courtney.  After five more years of pleading with God, He blessed us with another daughter, Rebekah.  The prayers continued and in three more years we were blessed once again with a third daughter, Rachel.  In the twentieth year of our marriage, and four years after our third daughter, God decided to bless us with a son, Caleb.  Caleb’s birth was a surprise, to say the least.  Not because he was our first son, but because he has Downs Syndrome.  When the midwife told us, we were speechless.  Our faith in the sovereignty of God was once again tested, and our ability to love was going to be stretched.  God smiled down once again.

“Then the LORD said to him, ‘Who has made man’s mouth?  Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind?  Is it not I, the LORD'” (Exodus 4;11)?  When God knits us in the womb He uses different patterns as He deems best.  None of is a mistake, all of us are important, created in His image.  Human dignity is not earned, it is inherent.  Before the famous love chapter (1 Corinthians 13), Paul talked about the importance of unity, making this statement, “the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and on those parts of the body that we think less honorable we bestow the greater honor..”  1 Corinthians 12:22.  Time to bestow greater honor!

For this child, I (didn’t) pray….

Despite our age, a “handicapped” child wasn’t even on our radar, certainly not on our prayer list!   We pray for “healthy” children.  We dream of the “important” things like smart and athletic children.  Being good looking (however that might be defined)  would be nice also.  Most men want a son to carry on the family name.  So many dreams dashed by an extra chromosome?  No.  Too much pride rebuked by a loving God?  Yes.  I had to reconsider all of the expectations I had and come to the realization that most, if not all, were selfish.

My first prayer to God after Caleb’s birth was that God would enable me to love him unconditionally….

Something God would use Caleb to do in ways we could never imagine.  I now wonder, who is really handicapped?  The world wants to play god and abort children with handicaps.  I want to tell the world that they are not a curse but a blessing.  The world would be a better place of there were more of them not less.  The world is a cruel “mountain”, but like his namesake of the Bible, Caleb is able to overcome it.  His weapon is love.  Unconditional.  Unlike his dad, Caleb did not even have to pray for God’s help.  Loving unconditionally is a congenital gift from his Father.

“So now faith, hope, and LOVE abide, these three; but the greatest of these is LOVE.”  1 Corinthians 13:13

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude.  It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.  Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love never ends…”  1 Corinthians 13:4-8a.  Caleb is not perfect, but he seems to not be hindered by loves greatest antagonist.  Pride.  For one with learning “disabilities”, he makes a great teacher.  He is not ashamed to show his love.  His love is freely given.  What we “do” is not important to him.  Our definitions of success and failure are irrelevant.  His innate ability to sense when we need a hug is almost frightening.  Fortunately, we recognize it as a gift from God.  Part of his unique pattern.  I think the extra chromosome is a love chromosome.

We did not pray for Caleb…..

….We weren’t that wise.  But God knew better.  Caleb has helped us to do a better job of prioritizing, recognizing what is truly important.  He has made us better parents.  Caleb has made his siblings better sisters.  He has made us better individuals by reflecting God.  God is love (and so much more).  When God smiles down, He often does so in unexpected ways.  Let’s follow Caleb’s lead.  The world is before us, “Let us go up at once and occupy it, for we are able to overcome it.”  The weaker will lead us.  They don’t carry white flags, they carry God’s banner of Love.

 

Thanks so much for reading along and sharing with us in our infertility journey. If you are interested in reading more of my writings please check out…

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For This Child I Prayed

Posted on by scott

faith

“For this child I prayed, and the LORD has granted me my petition that I have made to Him.” – 1 Samuel 1:2

Barrenness.  Torment.  A deep longing.  Pleading with God.  Faith.  Hannah traveled a lonely road.  A road many travel. Those that walk it don’t always know where to turn for help.  Those that haven’t, don’t always know what to say, making the journey even more lonely.  My wife and I have been down that road.  Perhaps like some of you, we can relate with Hannah…..

……..For the next few posts, I am going to share some personal experiences, I do so with some hesitancy.  I don’t want this post to become a family update “bulletin” or anything with a scent of gossip.  I am not looking for sympathy.  Rather, this site is to edify the Saints.  I do believe, however; that the trials we go through have a “redeeming” value.  After refining us in the furnace, God then gives us opportunities to help others going through similar trials.   Think about what Jesus said to Peter in Luke 22:23, “Simon, Simon, behold, Satan demanded to have you, that he might sift you like wheat, but I have prayed for you that your faith might not fail.  And when you have turned again strengthen your brothers.”  

“I just want to be a mother so bad.”

Like Hannah, my wife also “poured out her soul before the Lord.”  When we were married, we submitted everything to the sovereignty of God, including the womb.  We vowed we would take as many children as the Lord would bless us with.  Seven years into our marriage, that number was zero.  One day I walked in on my wife during her devotion time and found her with a Bible opened before her as she was crying over it.  When Hannah poured out her heart to God, Eli the priest observed her and mistook her for being drunk.  The Bible records that Hannah was “deeply distressed and prayed to the LORD and wept bitterly.”  When I saw my wife deeply distressed, I confused her with being upset with me.  After much prying, she finally shared her heart’s desire between sobs.  “I just want to be a mother so bad.”  It broke my heart to see her intense longing to fulfill such a sacred calling, motherhood.  One of the few times I wished she was mad at me. Saying sorry wasn’t going to “fix” a barren womb.  Crying out to God was our wisest option.

“What are they doing here? They don’t have kids.”

……Being barren is difficult.  Being reminded of it is almost unbearable.  Hannah’s husband Elkanah had a second wife, Peninnah.  Peninnah had children and used this fact to intentionally torment poor Hannah. Peninnah was beyond insensitive, she was cruel.  The Bible records she would, “provoke her grievously to irritate her, because the LORD had closed her womb.”  Years ago, my wife and I went on a trip with our church Sunday School class to the local zoo. Outside the zoo, we were having a picnic with our fellow class members and their children.  As I stood in line for food a member of our class pointed us out and asked, “What are they doing here?  They don’t have kids.”  Ouch. I don’t believe the comment was meant intentionally to hurt us, but it was very insensitive and stung none the less.  Infertility is not contagious but sometimes it seems insensitivity is.  Barrenness is not a sin, cruelty is.  The Hannahs in our life don’t need a Peninnah: they need the love of Christ.  Offer them support, encouragement, and prayers.  If you don’t know what to say, listen.

“I am sorry.  It looks like you may never have kids.”  In time we were convicted that perhaps God needed “help” or was testing our resolve, so we decided to see a fertility specialist.  God’s sovereignty doesn’t negate human responsibility.  After months of testing and much expenses, the specialist delivered the news we feared.  She told us we would probably never have children.  God had other news.  But it would have to wait.

“So now FAITH, hope, and love abide, these three.” 1 Corinthians 13:13a

When Hannah prayed to God for a son, she vowed to Him that if He answered her prayer, she would “give him to the LORD all the days of his life.”  God answered her prayer and Hannah fulfilled her vow.  Hannah gave birth to Samuel and then “lent” him to God.  God may not answer our prayers in the affirmative as He did for Hannah, but He will grow our faith.  Regardless of our circumstances, we have to keep our focus on God. In 1 Samuel chapter three, “Hannah’s Prayer” is recorded.  I encourage you to read it.  Verse two states, “There is none holy like the LORD: for there is none besides you; there is no rock like our God.”  Despite her trials, Hannah clung to her faith, and passed it on to her son Samuel.  Listen to his words later in his life.

“Only fear the Lord and serve Him faithfully with all your heart.  For consider what great things He has done for you.”  1 Samuel 12:24

Barrenness.  Walking down this road?  Don’t isolate yourself from others.  Invest yourself.  Don’t look at the children around you as a reminder of what you don’t have, see them as an opportunity to share your faith.  Christ is with you and He is praying that your faith doesn’t fail.  “Redeem” your trial.  Strengthen your brothers and sisters.  They may not share your trial, but they can be edified by your trial tested faith.

“The Rock, His work is perfect, for all His ways are justice.  A God of faithfulness and without iniquity, just and upright is He.” – Deuteronomy 32:4

If you are interested in reading more about my wife’s infertility story check out my Daily devotional series where I share more about our struggle and other struggles God has allowed in our path.

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The Power of the Tongue

Posted on by scott

 

 

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” – Proverbs 18:21

Life

“And God said, ‘Let there be light.'”  The first recorded spoken words.  God spoke light into existence and saw that it was good.  For six days God spoke creation into existence and it was good.  On the fifth day, God spoke living creatures into existence and for the first time, we have the record of a blessing, “and God blessed them, saying, ‘be fruitful and multiply.. ‘  The climax of God’s creation was day six, the creation of man.  Created in His image.  Blessed.  Given dominion over the rest of the living creation. Commanded to subdue it.  God was pleased with His creation.  Everything was very good.  But there was one little thing man couldn’t subdue.  His tongue.  When God breathed life into man He gave him the ability to communicate.  A Divine gift with dangerous potentials.  Especially when combined with a “free” will.

Death

“He said to the woman, ‘Did God actually say…?'” The first recorded words of death.  Along comes the great deceiver getting Eve to question the words of God.  You know the story.  Adam and Eve disobeyed God.  No longer was everything very good.  Not only did death accompany disobedience (a nice word for sin) but so did shame.  Adam and Eve were exposed.  Adam blamed God and Eve blamed Satan.  Dangerous thing that tongue.  God rested one day out of seven, perhaps we would be wise to do the same with our tongue, give it a “Sabbath” rest.

Chaos

How quick was man to “speak” death?  Cain spoke to Abel, deceiving him out into the field where he killed him.  The voice of Abel’s blood was heard by God and Cain was cursed.  Before we even get out of Genesis chapter four we have the recorded boast of Lamech.  What does he boast about?  Killing a man.  How proud is man?  In Genesis chapter 11 men gathered together and decided to make a city and a tower.  What they really wanted was to make a name for themselves.  What did God think of their plan?  “Come, let us go down and there confuse their language, so that they may not understand one another’s speech.”  Think about that closely.  God didn’t want a temple reaching heaven, he wanted the praise of man reaching Heaven.  Men didn’t want to praise God, they wanted the praise of their fellow man.  Since praise didn’t ascend, God descended.  If you can’t use your speech properly I will confuse it.  If you can’t worship corporately, you will be dispersed.

Instruction

To be created in the image of God is a great privilege.  The gift of communication that comes with it is a great responsibility.  The Bible is full of commands and instructions regarding how we use our tongue.  We know we are not supposed to slander, gossip, lie, boast, etc.  How serious is God?   Speaking disrespectfully of your parents could get you stoned to death. Jesus tells us in Matthew chapter 12 that we will give an account of every careless word we speak.  Scary.

Death and LIFE are in the power of the tongue.  The world is inundated with “death” speakers; ours is the privilege of speaking life. Indwelt by the Holy Spirit, we can impart life to a dying world.  Instead of degrading, we should encourage.  Instead of cursing, bless.  Instead of complaining, praise.  We can speak compassionate words to those in sorrow.  When the world is cruel, we can show the kindness of Christ.  The world hears enough boasting, a dash of humility might speak volumes.

Speak Life

James chapter three has some very powerful words about the tongue.  No one can tame it.  If one could he would be perfect.  The tongue is set on fire by hell.  Our only hope is the author and finisher of our faith.  He was perfect.  He controlled His tongue.  He can help us with ours.  When He spoke He spoke Life.  When the Holy Spirit descended (God came down again) at Pentecost tongues of fire appeared on the members of the newborn church and the ability to speak “life” was unleashed.  The curse of Babel was reversed as men of different languages now heard “one speech.”  Unity results from Life.  Let’s not allow Satan to set our tongues on fire from hell. Let’s submit to the flame that descended from Heaven.  Don’t speak death, speak Life.  When God gave you a tongue, He gave you a will to choose how to use it.  God spoke life into existence, may we speak Life into His creation.

“Let your speech always be gracious..” – Colossians 4:6a

“And all spoke well of Him and marveled at the gracious words that were coming from His mouth..” – Luke 4:22