My soul melts away for sorrow; strengthen me according to your word! – Psalm 119:28
A Naive Heart
The Bible tells us that the heart is deceitful above all things and desperately sick (wicked), hence we can’t understand it (Jeremiah 17:9). I was recently reminded that my heart is deceptively naive and I cannot trust it.
Six days before my daughter’s (Rebekah) recent wedding, (see Leaving), Rebekah and her fiance Daniel and I decided to make one last run to the nursery for plants and flowers. The trip afforded us the opportunity to discuss their upcoming marriage. During our conversation, I commented on how excited I was for their big day. I was greatly anticipating celebrating the marriage with so many of our relatives and friends. I naively envisioned one big party with a lot of fun and no “hang-overs”.
That was my mindset before the wedding. How quickly my mindset would change.
Door Watching
The wedding is over. Saturday’s celebration quickly gave way to Sunday’s depression and Monday’s dejection. With tears in my eyes, I sat alone eating my breakfast of oatmeal before work early Monday morning. My morning routine was the same but I wasn’t. Rebekah was gone and my soul was melting away. I was warned about this “hang-over” but I didn’t want to believe it would be so bad.
Between each spoonful of oatmeal I instinctively lifted my head and stole a blurry glance at the front door. Certainly the wedding was a mirage. Any minute Rebekah would walk through the door and everything would go back to “normal”. At least this is what my heart was saying. But my mind had to rebuke my heart. The next time my daughter graces my doorway she will do so as a visitor and not as a resident. She has taken on a new last name and a now resides at a new address.
That is enough to make a father’s soul melt with sorrow.
Melting
I am trying to come to grips with the fact that another daughter has left the nest. I had hoped that having traveled down this dusty road after my first born’s (Courtney) marriage the second trip would be less difficult, but I couldn’t have been more wrong.
Our homes just aren’t the same without our children.
Don’t get me wrong. I understand that we only have our children at home for a season (typically). But when that season is over the adjustment can tug at our heart strings.
I miss the sight of Rebekah entering the room sport-fully donning her baseball cap. The house just won’t be the same without the sound of her piano music and singing or the aroma of her baking (especially apple sauce brownies).
The impromptu games of ping pong and euchre are done. So are the impulsive bike rides. From now on such things will feel more structured than spontaneous, more formal than carefree. My mind reminds me that she will always be my daughter. My heart knows that our relationship will never be the same. Another daughter will no longer be a part of my daily life.
Coming to grips with her departure fills me with sorrow, but I am not alone.
Soul Company
Marriage is a beautiful thing. Despite my current sorrow, I am happy for my daughter and her husband as they begin their lives together. Accordingly, I recognize that the sorrow I am experiencing (real as it is) is trivial compared to what some of you are experiencing.
The list of troubles that melt a soul is endless.
Marital problems are all too prevalent. Few things melt a soul like an unfaithful spouse or seeing the love of your life simply walk away. Perhaps your marriage is on solid ground but your soul is melting because of a wayward child. Children that walk away from the faith and live contrary to Biblical principals can certainly pierce our hearts.
Perhaps your sorrows are related more to health issues than relationships. Often our health concerns weigh greatly on our minds and affect our outlook and attitude. As our health diminishes our sorrows often increase.
Soul Searching
While it is true that the circumstances we find ourselves in may cause great sorrow, I believe that when the Psalmist wrote of his heart melting away with sorrow, the cause may have been his own sin. Oftentimes our souls melt with sorrow because of that deceitful heart that beats in our chest.
Sitting at the table anticipating the sight of my daughter walking through the front door was instinctive. I couldn’t help it. My heart longed the company of Rebekah. But in the book of Genesis (4:7), God warned Cain of an unwanted guest lurking at the door.
Sin.
Crouching at Cain’s door, sin was waiting to spring on him and overcome him if he was foolish enough to open the door to it. Perhaps some of us have souls that are melted with sorrow because we foolishly opened the door to sin.
Sins
Is your soul melting because you are in the grips of a strong addiction? You know what you are doing is contrary to the Word of God but you just can’t gain the victory. Despite your prayers and your best efforts you just don’t seem to be able to break the cycle. Hence you are filled with sorrow.
Maybe you are not in the grips of an addiction, but you have succumbed to pride or envy. You know you are not supposed to be controlled by such strong vices but your insecurities have you shackled to them. As long as you see those around you either through the lens of superiority or jealousy you cannot relate to them as God would have you. Behind such insecure eyes is usually a soul melting with sorrow.
The list of sins is endless and ageless. But although the list is as old as time, your sorrow may be as fresh as the morning dew. However, regardless of what may be the cause of your sorrow, there is hope for your melting soul. Just as the heat of the morning sun can vanquish the dew on the grass, the eternal Truth of God’s Word can strengthen your melting soul.
Strength
Don’t succumb to your deceitful heart. Don’t despair the sorrows that are currently melting your soul. The Word of God can strengthen you.
For every tear there is a Truth, for every sorrow a Promise, for every sin an offer of Forgiveness. Every time we open God’s Word we are infused with His Grace.
Need strength for your melting soul? Look no further than the cross. God’s Word left heaven’s throne to take on flesh and blood. He became acquainted with our sorrows and died for our sins. He wants to turn our temporary sorrows into eternal joy.
The Savior stands at the door and knocks. Open your heart to Him. Who better to strengthen our melting souls than the One who died to save them.