“For this child I prayed, and the LORD has granted me my petition that I have made to Him.” – 1 Samuel 1:2
Barrenness. Torment. A deep longing. Pleading with God. Faith. Hannah traveled a lonely road. A road many travel. Those that walk it don’t always know where to turn for help. Those that haven’t, don’t always know what to say, making the journey even more lonely. My wife and I have been down that road. Perhaps like some of you, we can relate with Hannah…..
……..For the next few posts, I am going to share some personal experiences, I do so with some hesitancy. I don’t want this post to become a family update “bulletin” or anything with a scent of gossip. I am not looking for sympathy. Rather, this site is to edify the Saints. I do believe, however; that the trials we go through have a “redeeming” value. After refining us in the furnace, God then gives us opportunities to help others going through similar trials. Think about what Jesus said to Peter in Luke 22:23, “Simon, Simon, behold, Satan demanded to have you, that he might sift you like wheat, but I have prayed for you that your faith might not fail. And when you have turned again strengthen your brothers.”
“I just want to be a mother so bad.”
Like Hannah, my wife also “poured out her soul before the Lord.” When we were married, we submitted everything to the sovereignty of God, including the womb. We vowed we would take as many children as the Lord would bless us with. Seven years into our marriage, that number was zero. One day I walked in on my wife during her devotion time and found her with a Bible opened before her as she was crying over it. When Hannah poured out her heart to God, Eli the priest observed her and mistook her for being drunk. The Bible records that Hannah was “deeply distressed and prayed to the LORD and wept bitterly.” When I saw my wife deeply distressed, I confused her with being upset with me. After much prying, she finally shared her heart’s desire between sobs. “I just want to be a mother so bad.” It broke my heart to see her intense longing to fulfill such a sacred calling, motherhood. One of the few times I wished she was mad at me. Saying sorry wasn’t going to “fix” a barren womb. Crying out to God was our wisest option.
“What are they doing here? They don’t have kids.”
……Being barren is difficult. Being reminded of it is almost unbearable. Hannah’s husband Elkanah had a second wife, Peninnah. Peninnah had children and used this fact to intentionally torment poor Hannah. Peninnah was beyond insensitive, she was cruel. The Bible records she would, “provoke her grievously to irritate her, because the LORD had closed her womb.” Years ago, my wife and I went on a trip with our church Sunday School class to the local zoo. Outside the zoo, we were having a picnic with our fellow class members and their children. As I stood in line for food a member of our class pointed us out and asked, “What are they doing here? They don’t have kids.” Ouch. I don’t believe the comment was meant intentionally to hurt us, but it was very insensitive and stung none the less. Infertility is not contagious but sometimes it seems insensitivity is. Barrenness is not a sin, cruelty is. The Hannahs in our life don’t need a Peninnah: they need the love of Christ. Offer them support, encouragement, and prayers. If you don’t know what to say, listen.
“I am sorry. It looks like you may never have kids.” In time we were convicted that perhaps God needed “help” or was testing our resolve, so we decided to see a fertility specialist. God’s sovereignty doesn’t negate human responsibility. After months of testing and much expenses, the specialist delivered the news we feared. She told us we would probably never have children. God had other news. But it would have to wait.
“So now FAITH, hope, and love abide, these three.” 1 Corinthians 13:13a
When Hannah prayed to God for a son, she vowed to Him that if He answered her prayer, she would “give him to the LORD all the days of his life.” God answered her prayer and Hannah fulfilled her vow. Hannah gave birth to Samuel and then “lent” him to God. God may not answer our prayers in the affirmative as He did for Hannah, but He will grow our faith. Regardless of our circumstances, we have to keep our focus on God. In 1 Samuel chapter three, “Hannah’s Prayer” is recorded. I encourage you to read it. Verse two states, “There is none holy like the LORD: for there is none besides you; there is no rock like our God.” Despite her trials, Hannah clung to her faith, and passed it on to her son Samuel. Listen to his words later in his life.
“Only fear the Lord and serve Him faithfully with all your heart. For consider what great things He has done for you.” 1 Samuel 12:24
Barrenness. Walking down this road? Don’t isolate yourself from others. Invest yourself. Don’t look at the children around you as a reminder of what you don’t have, see them as an opportunity to share your faith. Christ is with you and He is praying that your faith doesn’t fail. “Redeem” your trial. Strengthen your brothers and sisters. They may not share your trial, but they can be edified by your trial tested faith.
“The Rock, His work is perfect, for all His ways are justice. A God of faithfulness and without iniquity, just and upright is He.” – Deuteronomy 32:4
If you are interested in reading more about my wife’s infertility story check out my Daily devotional series where I share more about our struggle and other struggles God has allowed in our path.
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