“But Caleb quieted the people before Moses and said, ‘Let us go up at once and occupy it, for we are able to overcome it.‘”. Numbers 13:30
While we sat across the desk from the fertility specialist being told we would probably never have children, God must have been smiling down on us. On every other visit we made, my wife was tested for pregnancy, but not this last visit. Why bother? The specialist’s apology wasn’t just an expression of sympathy, it was an act of resignation. A white flag. From a human perspective, things looked hopeless. But God operates on a different plain. Omnipotence doesn’t know hopeless. When things look darkest, God shines brightest. When we walked out of the clinic that day we carried heavy hearts, and my wife something more. A child. But only God knew, at least for a little while.
A few months later my wife was experiencing flu-like symptoms…..
When the symptoms wouldn’t subside, a doctor visit revealed that God had indeed smiled down on us. The “flu” was of the nine-month variety. Like Hannah and so many others, God answered our prayers. Eight years into our marriage, God blessed us with a daughter, Courtney. After five more years of pleading with God, He blessed us with another daughter, Rebekah. The prayers continued and in three more years we were blessed once again with a third daughter, Rachel. In the twentieth year of our marriage, and four years after our third daughter, God decided to bless us with a son, Caleb. Caleb’s birth was a surprise, to say the least. Not because he was our first son, but because he has Downs Syndrome. When the midwife told us, we were speechless. Our faith in the sovereignty of God was once again tested, and our ability to love was going to be stretched. God smiled down once again.
“Then the LORD said to him, ‘Who has made man’s mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the LORD'” (Exodus 4;11)? When God knits us in the womb He uses different patterns as He deems best. None of is a mistake, all of us are important, created in His image. Human dignity is not earned, it is inherent. Before the famous love chapter (1 Corinthians 13), Paul talked about the importance of unity, making this statement, “the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and on those parts of the body that we think less honorable we bestow the greater honor..” 1 Corinthians 12:22. Time to bestow greater honor!
For this child, I (didn’t) pray….
Despite our age, a “handicapped” child wasn’t even on our radar, certainly not on our prayer list! We pray for “healthy” children. We dream of the “important” things like smart and athletic children. Being good looking (however that might be defined) would be nice also. Most men want a son to carry on the family name. So many dreams dashed by an extra chromosome? No. Too much pride rebuked by a loving God? Yes. I had to reconsider all of the expectations I had and come to the realization that most, if not all, were selfish.
My first prayer to God after Caleb’s birth was that God would enable me to love him unconditionally….
Something God would use Caleb to do in ways we could never imagine. I now wonder, who is really handicapped? The world wants to play god and abort children with handicaps. I want to tell the world that they are not a curse but a blessing. The world would be a better place of there were more of them not less. The world is a cruel “mountain”, but like his namesake of the Bible, Caleb is able to overcome it. His weapon is love. Unconditional. Unlike his dad, Caleb did not even have to pray for God’s help. Loving unconditionally is a congenital gift from his Father.
“So now faith, hope, and LOVE abide, these three; but the greatest of these is LOVE.” 1 Corinthians 13:13
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends…” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a. Caleb is not perfect, but he seems to not be hindered by loves greatest antagonist. Pride. For one with learning “disabilities”, he makes a great teacher. He is not ashamed to show his love. His love is freely given. What we “do” is not important to him. Our definitions of success and failure are irrelevant. His innate ability to sense when we need a hug is almost frightening. Fortunately, we recognize it as a gift from God. Part of his unique pattern. I think the extra chromosome is a love chromosome.
We did not pray for Caleb…..
….We weren’t that wise. But God knew better. Caleb has helped us to do a better job of prioritizing, recognizing what is truly important. He has made us better parents. Caleb has made his siblings better sisters. He has made us better individuals by reflecting God. God is love (and so much more). When God smiles down, He often does so in unexpected ways. Let’s follow Caleb’s lead. The world is before us, “Let us go up at once and occupy it, for we are able to overcome it.” The weaker will lead us. They don’t carry white flags, they carry God’s banner of Love.
Thanks so much for reading along and sharing with us in our infertility journey. If you are interested in reading more of my writings please check out…
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Amen!! Beautiful!