Songs In The Night

⁵ Father of the fatherless and protector of widows
    is God in his holy habitation.
⁶ God settles the solitary in a home; – Psalm 68:5-6a

Wrapped Up

I have never been a flexible person. Undoubtedly, with time, my limited flexibility has become more “limited”. Certainly, no one who knows me well would ever confuse me for a contortionist. Which makes the position I found myself in this past weekend a little surprising; wrapped around the finger of a three year old girl named Mavis. Like a fresh band-aid, I was stuck. What made my position even more unusual was the fact that just a couple of hours before she wrapped me around her tiny finger, Mavis was a perfect stranger to me.

While spending some time at the cottage with my family, my daughter Rebekah asked if she could invite some friends up for the day. Although I knew her friends Holden and Cassie, I did not know their young children since they had lived out of state for a few years. However, I was soon to meet their two year old Kenneth, and their three year old daughter Mavis. Little did I know the blessing I was in for.

Tea Time

After spending some time in the sun, we decided to give our bodies a break and relax in the cottage (as well as you can relax in 90 degrees with a dead air conditioner). As I rested sitting on the fire place ledge (under the ceiling fan), little Ms. Mavis offered me some tea from her Beauty and the Beast tea cart. Being hot and exhausted I could not say no.

For two hours I could not say no. If it is possible to drown in imaginary tea I was there. The British would have been proud of me. I was an ambidextrous tea drinking machine. For the record, I was even holding out my pinky as I tipped each cup. As fast as I could drink them, little Mavis filled them. She was the perfect little hostess (although the tea cart did crash into my knee a couple of times) with an irresistible sales pitch.

No L

Besides her big brown eyes, much of Mavis’ success as a hostess was attributed to her speech and her etiquette. How can you resist a three year old girl whose speech is replete with such rare words as “please” and “thank you”? Besides, Mavis’ vocabulary, at least for the time being, doesn’t contain the letter L. And further, she doesn’t replace it with another letter such as W. Do you know how cute it sounds when a little girl says, “Pease will you pay with me” or “Can you ook in the coset for more toys”?

Further, not knowing my name, first or last, Mavis would often address me as, “Pease Mr. Guy” or “Pease Mr. Sir” (when her father told her my name wasn’t Guy). Are you getting a sense as to why I was wrapped around her finger? This little girl could melt any man’s heart and would make any father proud, if only…

Fatherless

Although ten months older than her brother Kenneth, Mavis joined the family after him. Although she is now a vital part of their family, she wasn’t born into it. Rather she was adopted by Holden and Cassie last October. In talking with the new parents, they informed us that the slowest part of the adoption process was trying to identify the biological father. In fact, six different men were given DNA tests and none of them matched. Which begs the question, how many “potential” candidates are out there?

With no success in identifying the biological father of Mavis, a notice was published in the local papers stating that if the father did not respond within a designated period of time, his parental rights would be forfeited. As you can imagine, nobody responded. I don’t know about you, but I believe Mavis qualifies as one of the fatherless that the Psalmist was referring to.

Past and Present

Besides the identity of her biological father, so much of Mavis’ past is unknown. From what little is known, it is easy to speculate she may have been neglected. There were a few physical “issues” her adoptive parents had to address. It is also possible there was some abuse. But who knows for sure? Hopefully, if such evils were a part of her past, they will not be remembered because of her young age.

While much is unknown about her past, it appears that Mavis has a bright future. If it is true that Mavis could be a poster child for the fatherless, it also appears that she is one of the “solitary” that God has settled in a home as the Psalmist goes on to say. Which makes me say, Thank God for adoption and for couples like Holden and Cassie who make the bold and faithful step.

Confessions

As I partook of the tea party with Mavis, I had to reflect on my own attitude about adoption. There were times in our marriage when I wondered if my wife and I weren’t called to adopt, but I never felt it was “right” for us. I realize that there are a lot of things to consider when it comes to adoption, but for me there was always one insurmountable hurdle; fear that I might not love an adopted child the way I would one of “my own”. I know it might sound selfish, but the fact of the matter is, I never wanted a child to feel second rate. Not under my roof.

As a young child observing families with natural and adopted children, I usually felt like the adopted children were treated like outsiders. I may have been mistaken, but unfortunately this impression was always difficult for me to overcome. But fortunately, God never stops working on any of us, and I believe my tea time with Mavis was ordained by Him.

Options

In light of the precarious circumstances, why did Mavis’ mother not choose abortion? One would have to speculate there would have been pressure to do so. Who would have objected, especially in our selfish society? But thank God she did not buy into the lies of the world and the promotion of “choice”.

Similarly, why did her mother choose to put Mavis up for adoption? Was that her intent all along or was it an afterthought? Despite her background, was there as least some rudimentary respect for the sanctity of human life? I can only speculate on her motives, but I am thankful she chose life, and I am thankful she chose adoption. May we live to see the day when it is no longer option 2.

Best Friends

When I had finally had my “fill” of imaginary tea, I moved from the hard fireplace slate to the floor, sitting with my back against a couch. As I made the move, Mavis followed me (how could she not, we were attached!) and attempted to sit in my lap. Being “strangers” I thought it best to redirect her to the floor sitting beside me. But I was soon to learn that sitting by my side wasn’t what Mavis wanted.

After probably less than a minute at my side, Mavis stood up and faced me, and quickly proceeded to give me a hug. As she did so she said in her sweet little voice, “You’re my best fwend”. I am not going to lie, it brought tears to my eyes (or else I was literally drowning in tea). As if having me wrapped around her finger wasn’t enough, she had to go and tie up my heart strings. Like I said before, thank God her mother chose adoption over abortion!!

Mavis and Me

As we were wrapping up our time together, it was time for ice cream at our favorite ice cream shop (ok so it is a gas station). When the last of the ice cream was eaten and it was time to go, as Mavis got into their family vehicle for the ride back home, she said, “Good-bye best fwend”.

Then it was time to process what Mavis had taught me.

Despite the joy and blessing children bring us, at the end of the day it isn’t about what they give to us, but the love we shower on them. And who can better love the adopted, than the adopted? After all, Mavis and I have more in common than meets the eye, and as a child of God so do you.

⁵ he predestined us for adoption to himself as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, ⁶ to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. – Ephesians 1:5-6

Our Father is an adopting Father. Although our pasts were uncertain, our futures are bright, we have a Celestial home. When we felt insecure, God is our true protector. With the love of Christ to share, our Father has equipped us to love the fatherless, and to point them to their true Father. Instead of focusing on my limited capacities, I should have been relying on God’s unlimited resources!!

Although the “age” of adoption has passed me by, I can certainly be an advocate and encourager.

Thanks for the tea time Mavis and all that you taught me. May you continue to touch and soften hearts the way you did mine. It is an honor to be your “best fwend”.